Something new and odd....

So I let a friend in. Just opened some locked, barred and isolated doors to my past. Ironically, I have never felt more alone than I did today.


My dreams have become seeming illusions and faded unexpectedly.
All evaporates, yet one thing remains.
For that one thing I am overwhelmed and thankful...

The Price of the Vision

"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord . . ."

—Isaiah 6:1

"Our soul’s personal history with God is often an account of the death of our heroes. Over and over again God has to remove our friends to put Himself in their place, and that is when we falter, fail, and become discouraged. Let me think about this personally— when the person died who represented for me all that God was, did I give up on everything in life? Did I become ill or disheartened? Or did I do as Isaiah did and see the Lord?

My vision of God is dependent upon the condition of my character. My character determines whether or not truth can even be revealed to me. Before I can say, "I saw the Lord," there must be something in my character that conforms to the likeness of God. Until I am born again and really begin to see the kingdom of God, I only see from the perspective of my own biases. What I need is God’s surgical procedure— His use of external circumstances to bring about internal purification.

Your priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God and no one else is taken into account whatsoever. Your prayer will then be, "In all the world there is no one but You, dear God; there is no one but You."

Keep paying the price. Let God see that you are willing to live up to the vision."

Sometimes I just long to tell the people I am closest to what is going on. But they are gone in one way or another. It is a call to Christ for me and I am not the most excited about how lonely the call can be, but I must surrender to that call. Even those I care for.

"We go to the best photographer to hide all the scars..."
I have been thinking about what makes my life different right now. I believe my scars don't have to be hidden now. I have played that game. I think I am fairly done with it. That doesn't mean that I tell everyone every scar, but that I know my wounds have been healed and that these scars are markers and reminders of the faithfulness of God.
Hosea has been a convicting read for me.
Indeed, my "loyalty [has been] like a morning cloud and like the dew which goes away early." My desire is to return. Not to make other gods...