To choose to hang on to the good.

Such a fight. A challenge.

I choose it these days.

I told a friend of how I asked last night. All I could do was laugh and smile about it. So much affection. Sure there is pain, but it wasn't present then. The Lord has a way of rescuing me from my memories. I turn in on myself pretty easily. I get lost. I lose grip and let it slip away...

I mourned with another friend last night as well.

It brought up pain this morning. The delayed realization and re-exploration of a wound. Test it. Probe it. Feel the scar. The nerves have memory and respond as they should although they were severed. Oh the beauty of reconciliation! Oh the pain when what I desire in that has less and more to do with me than I would wish.

My sin is ever before me...

When I close my eyes.

But there is something that must overshadow it, or despair will call me back into its hold and slide my joy into the pit. I will fall back into a garden after an act that severed so much. Separated from source. From good. From Origin.

So beautifully deceptive. Elegantly crafted repackaging of the same old questions:

"Can you really trust that? Are you sure that is actually true?"

It is such a humbling task to remember. To remember the good. To remember my culpability. To remember the resulting despair. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, to remember a Savior and His work. Remember...


FIX YOUR EYES. "Get over yourself and actually live for others." That must be the reoccurring cry. Live in His freedom. My actions don't save, but His did and I must react to them. I must react and remember...